Coming to live and study in Holland can result in some quite severe culture shock, especially for non-Western students. But once having lived here a while and grown accustomed to this Dutch life, returning to your home country can also result in reverse culture shock, as one shocked Chinese foreign student recently found out.
Delen
,,Please show your passport,” the customs officer says to me in Chinese at Shangai airport. I suddenly realize I’m back in China again, after 12 consecutive months living in Holland. My heart pounds, just like two years ago when I landed at Schiphol airport. At that time, I was expecting a life full of challenge: different people, different language, different culture… And indeed life in Holland gave me a great cultural shock. But now, what would it be like to be back home?
On the train
I take a train from Shanghai to Nanjing. Seated by the window, I look outside and my mind drifts away from me. mmDid you just come back from Amsterdam?” a voice asks. While wondering how anyone could possibly know I’m from Amsterdam, my neighbor continues, ,,I’m Ray. I saw the sticker with ‘AMS’ on your luggage.” We strike up a conversation. I learn that Ray is an American and works in Shanghai. He’s now on a business trip to Nanjing with Jerry, a Chinese assistant. ,,I’m his lao ban (boss in Chinese),” Ray says. During our conversation, which is mixed with a few Chinese words now and then, Jerry leaves and comes back shortly with a bowl of instant noodles. Suddenly, our conversation is interrupted by the slurping sounds Jerry is making as he eats his noodles. I feel hungry too and ask Jerry where to buy the noodles. About 10 minutes later, when I come back with my noodles, I see that Ray is not in his seat. Jerry has finished his food and is reading a newspaper. I begin to happily eat my noodles. Ray returns to his seat. ,,Was there any difference?” he asks Jerry, smiling. ,,I don’t know, I was reading the newspaper”, Jerry replies. ,,Difference of what, if I may ask?” I ask, curiously. ,,Difference in the way of eating the noodles,” Ray says, and then proceeds to tell me a story. ,,When you left to buy the noodles, I asked Jerry to see if you will make noise eating the noodles or not?” I know I did not make noise. As Ray continues talking, I take out my handkerchief and blow my nose. All of a sudden, I realize all the Chinese people sitting around me have stopped talking and are looking at me. ,,Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, remembering my reaction the first time I heard a Dutch person blow their nose so loudly in public. I blush. I have done it no less loudly. I have gotten used to a different noise in Holland.
Bargaining
On my first day shopping in Nanjing, I’m always calculating the price in local currency into euros (just like I did two years ago in Holland, but the other way around). Ha, what a good deal! I couldn’t believe I could buy such beautiful clothes at such a low price. I’m very happy with it. But then I hear a voice saying, ,,Hey, how much discount did you get? I got it for almost half price..” Two girls are telling each other of their successful bargaining as we leave the shop, looks of great satisfaction on their faces. ,,Oh, stupid me,” I chide myself. ,,I forgot to bargain and slash the price!” I realize I should’ve asked for a discount, which is notpossible in Holland. Two years ago in Holland I was rejected with no hesitation by a shop assistant when I asked for a discount. Since then I’ve never done it again. And I can still recall the strange look on that Dutch shop assistant’s face.
ATM machine
It didn’t take me long to find an ATM machine to draw money from in Nanjing. Things have changed a lot on the street. I could feel the developing pace of the economy. ,,I’ve become a stranger to this city where I used to live,” I tell myself. There stands a man in front of me who is getting money ‘out of the wall’. While I’m waiting behind him, at a distance, a lady tries to stand in front of me. ,,Hellooo, please follow the queue,” I remind the lady. ,,You’re NOT in line, are you?” she asks, looking at me suspiciously. ,,And if you are, why are you standing so far away then?” But she moves behind me, reluctantly. It’s my turn. While entering my pin-code, I can feel the lady’s breath on the back of my neck. I feel a bit uncomfortable and turn around. ,,Could you please move a little backward,” I say. ,,Why?” she asks defensively, obviously annoyed or offended by my ‘suspicion’. I feel a bit sorry, because I know she wasn’t trying to read my pin-code. It’s just that living in Holland has made me accustomed to having a certain amount of ‘Dutch’ personal space. But how can I explain that?
Present giving
I’m visiting a friend in Nanjing. Although we’ve been writing emails, I’m still excited to see her after many years. After a big hug, I take out the present I brought for her and her husband from Holland. She accepts it happily, but then puts it aside. ,,Why not open it and see what’s inside?” I suggest. ,,Thank you, we’ll do it later,” she says. ,,And now, tell us of your life.” I feel a little disappointed. ,,Ok,” I reply, ,,let me tell you a story about something that happened to a Chinese friend of mine, Xia, in Holland.” I want my friend to open the present in front of me. ,,Just before Christmas, Xia’s supervisor, a Dutch professor, gave her a present. Xia accepted the present in the Chinese way: she didn’t open it in front of the supervisor and just put it in her bag. Her supervisor took it out of her bag and pressed it into her hand again, saying, ,,This is for you.” But Xia put it into her bag again. Her supervisor repeated it again. He wanted Xia to open it, which is the polite way in his culture. Later, Xia explained to her supervisor the cultural difference in present-giving.” The Chinese norm is never to open a present in the presence of the present-giver. It’s embarrassing if you do that. ,,Ok, let’s do it in the Dutch way this time!” my friend’s husband says happily. I am glad.
Wedding Ring
My friends organize a reunion party. We talk about what has been happening with everybody. ,,Oh, Eric is married?” I say, responding to that news. ,,I didn’t see his wedding ring last time I met him.” I am surprised. ,,What MAN would wear a ring?” my friends ask, laughing at me and showing their hands to me in answer to my question. Indeed, it’s true. And then I remember a story of Guan, a Chinese friend who lives in Holland. Guan’s Dutch colleagues frequently asked him the same question, whether he was married. After Guan said yes, the second question was usually why he did not wear a ring. In the end, Guan decided to wear a ring to avoid having to answer that same question all the time. But when Guan came back to China for a holiday and was talking with his friends, he noticed that their eyes were lingering around his finger, with an odd look on their faces. Guan felt that they all thought he had become a sissy in Holland, was no longer a man. Actually, his feeling was right. A Chinese man wearing a ring is consideredto be either a sissy or a showoff of his wealth. Even for a woman, wearing a ring on her finger is not always a sign of marriage.
These stories that all of a sudden happened to me in my first few days back home in China bring back a lot of memories. Now I’m back in Holland, and for the coming new year, I’ve made a wish: If only there could be a switch in me, then I could easily switch to the system I’m living in!
,,Please show your passport,” the customs officer says to me in Chinese at Shangai airport. I suddenly realize I’m back in China again, after 12 consecutive months living in Holland. My heart pounds, just like two years ago when I landed at Schiphol airport. At that time, I was expecting a life full of challenge: different people, different language, different culture… And indeed life in Holland gave me a great cultural shock. But now, what would it be like to be back home?
On the train
I take a train from Shanghai to Nanjing. Seated by the window, I look outside and my mind drifts away from me. mmDid you just come back from Amsterdam?” a voice asks. While wondering how anyone could possibly know I’m from Amsterdam, my neighbor continues, ,,I’m Ray. I saw the sticker with ‘AMS’ on your luggage.” We strike up a conversation. I learn that Ray is an American and works in Shanghai. He’s now on a business trip to Nanjing with Jerry, a Chinese assistant. ,,I’m his lao ban (boss in Chinese),” Ray says. During our conversation, which is mixed with a few Chinese words now and then, Jerry leaves and comes back shortly with a bowl of instant noodles. Suddenly, our conversation is interrupted by the slurping sounds Jerry is making as he eats his noodles. I feel hungry too and ask Jerry where to buy the noodles. About 10 minutes later, when I come back with my noodles, I see that Ray is not in his seat. Jerry has finished his food and is reading a newspaper. I begin to happily eat my noodles. Ray returns to his seat. ,,Was there any difference?” he asks Jerry, smiling. ,,I don’t know, I was reading the newspaper”, Jerry replies. ,,Difference of what, if I may ask?” I ask, curiously. ,,Difference in the way of eating the noodles,” Ray says, and then proceeds to tell me a story. ,,When you left to buy the noodles, I asked Jerry to see if you will make noise eating the noodles or not?” I know I did not make noise. As Ray continues talking, I take out my handkerchief and blow my nose. All of a sudden, I realize all the Chinese people sitting around me have stopped talking and are looking at me. ,,Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, remembering my reaction the first time I heard a Dutch person blow their nose so loudly in public. I blush. I have done it no less loudly. I have gotten used to a different noise in Holland.
Bargaining
On my first day shopping in Nanjing, I’m always calculating the price in local currency into euros (just like I did two years ago in Holland, but the other way around). Ha, what a good deal! I couldn’t believe I could buy such beautiful clothes at such a low price. I’m very happy with it. But then I hear a voice saying, ,,Hey, how much discount did you get? I got it for almost half price..” Two girls are telling each other of their successful bargaining as we leave the shop, looks of great satisfaction on their faces. ,,Oh, stupid me,” I chide myself. ,,I forgot to bargain and slash the price!” I realize I should’ve asked for a discount, which is notpossible in Holland. Two years ago in Holland I was rejected with no hesitation by a shop assistant when I asked for a discount. Since then I’ve never done it again. And I can still recall the strange look on that Dutch shop assistant’s face.
ATM machine
It didn’t take me long to find an ATM machine to draw money from in Nanjing. Things have changed a lot on the street. I could feel the developing pace of the economy. ,,I’ve become a stranger to this city where I used to live,” I tell myself. There stands a man in front of me who is getting money ‘out of the wall’. While I’m waiting behind him, at a distance, a lady tries to stand in front of me. ,,Hellooo, please follow the queue,” I remind the lady. ,,You’re NOT in line, are you?” she asks, looking at me suspiciously. ,,And if you are, why are you standing so far away then?” But she moves behind me, reluctantly. It’s my turn. While entering my pin-code, I can feel the lady’s breath on the back of my neck. I feel a bit uncomfortable and turn around. ,,Could you please move a little backward,” I say. ,,Why?” she asks defensively, obviously annoyed or offended by my ‘suspicion’. I feel a bit sorry, because I know she wasn’t trying to read my pin-code. It’s just that living in Holland has made me accustomed to having a certain amount of ‘Dutch’ personal space. But how can I explain that?
Present giving
I’m visiting a friend in Nanjing. Although we’ve been writing emails, I’m still excited to see her after many years. After a big hug, I take out the present I brought for her and her husband from Holland. She accepts it happily, but then puts it aside. ,,Why not open it and see what’s inside?” I suggest. ,,Thank you, we’ll do it later,” she says. ,,And now, tell us of your life.” I feel a little disappointed. ,,Ok,” I reply, ,,let me tell you a story about something that happened to a Chinese friend of mine, Xia, in Holland.” I want my friend to open the present in front of me. ,,Just before Christmas, Xia’s supervisor, a Dutch professor, gave her a present. Xia accepted the present in the Chinese way: she didn’t open it in front of the supervisor and just put it in her bag. Her supervisor took it out of her bag and pressed it into her hand again, saying, ,,This is for you.” But Xia put it into her bag again. Her supervisor repeated it again. He wanted Xia to open it, which is the polite way in his culture. Later, Xia explained to her supervisor the cultural difference in present-giving.” The Chinese norm is never to open a present in the presence of the present-giver. It’s embarrassing if you do that. ,,Ok, let’s do it in the Dutch way this time!” my friend’s husband says happily. I am glad.
Wedding Ring
My friends organize a reunion party. We talk about what has been happening with everybody. ,,Oh, Eric is married?” I say, responding to that news. ,,I didn’t see his wedding ring last time I met him.” I am surprised. ,,What MAN would wear a ring?” my friends ask, laughing at me and showing their hands to me in answer to my question. Indeed, it’s true. And then I remember a story of Guan, a Chinese friend who lives in Holland. Guan’s Dutch colleagues frequently asked him the same question, whether he was married. After Guan said yes, the second question was usually why he did not wear a ring. In the end, Guan decided to wear a ring to avoid having to answer that same question all the time. But when Guan came back to China for a holiday and was talking with his friends, he noticed that their eyes were lingering around his finger, with an odd look on their faces. Guan felt that they all thought he had become a sissy in Holland, was no longer a man. Actually, his feeling was right. A Chinese man wearing a ring is consideredto be either a sissy or a showoff of his wealth. Even for a woman, wearing a ring on her finger is not always a sign of marriage.
These stories that all of a sudden happened to me in my first few days back home in China bring back a lot of memories. Now I’m back in Holland, and for the coming new year, I’ve made a wish: If only there could be a switch in me, then I could easily switch to the system I’m living in!
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