Lets do it!

Humor me here, because although this pisses me off, I’m speaking from the standpoint of observer, not participant (I get enough Dutch lovin’ from my boyfriend, thanks). The TU Delft male population, although strikingly gorgeous with their clear, rosy complexions and advertising-campaign-worthy hair, are more likely to engage you in some metaphysical debate than sweep you off your feet and into their beds. So let me clarify this, ladies: if you’re inclined to do a bit of mattress-dancing, it’s up to you make it happen.

Now I realize many readers are used to some southern Mediterranean seduction. Forget it. I have a Spanish friend who was living with a Dutch guy for two weeks, because she got kicked out of her temporary housing. Two weeks she spent making up excuses to end up in his bed (late-night movies, scared of the dark, etc). But not once did he make a move. In the end, when she was about to move out, she was so confused she finally asked him, “Why don’t you want to have sex with me?” Valid question for a gorgeous, exotic girl to ask the man lying placidly 30 cm across the bed. Apparently the answer went something like, “I don’t want you to see me with my shirt off.” All jokes aside, this is no excuse for not giving a girl some good vibrations.

Ok, so maybe he had some hair issues, or weird growths or whatever: the point is, I’ve heard this story way to often to attribute it to chance. Dutch guys want you to pull them between the sheets. In fact they probably want you to handcuff them to the bed! And this isn’t to suggest that a bit of experimentation is a bad thing, I just want to put it out there that the sexual revolution in the Netherlands was so successful that no one seems to notice the lack of chivalry except the foreigners. Don’t expect any door-holding or dinner-buying; these Dutch guys are all about equality. So maybe it’s time to even the playing field, ladies. Instead of expecting to be seduced, expect to have to ask for what you want. And don’t use big words.

In the United States we’re a little more used to the necessity for female persuasion. My uneducated opinion is that American guys are just lazy, and American girls are so over-sexed by the media that we tend to grab anything moving within arm distance. But I think something different is at play in this úber-liberal little country. Maybe it’s the student culture. Girls wear a lot more clothes in Delft than they ever did at my previous university in the States — we’d go to class in our pajamas. In retrospect, this may also have eased the transition from lecture hall to bedroom.

Or maybe it’s the fact that TU Delft males outnumber females at least 5:1. This sounds like a statistic that ends up favoring the females, but in reality it produces packs of boys who’d rather sit around smoking cigars and playing manly games like poker than go after that sexy little minority. So what are my Italian girlfriends on campus supposed to do? There’s not enough peepshows in Holland to satisfy this lusting group of ladies! In Italy you get to pick who you sleep with simply by virtue of having two round protrusions under your shirt. In Holland, you have to pick up your spear and go hunting.

Last weekend I was at OffCorso in Rotterdam with one of the most beautiful Greek girls ever to grace the TU Delft campus. She suggested that we go dancing, as she was feeling a bit randy. Being the supportive friend that I am, I agreed. We danced all night…with each other. In the end, we’d drunk enough that this actually seemed more likely to end agreeably than the effort it might take to encourage a man to suggest something. We parted ways, with me headed straight home for some pre-arranged drunken sex (with my aforementioned love machine), and she home to an undeservedly empty bed. I propose that this is a national emergency! Jongens, go out and get yourself a girl! And if one night of trans-cultural passion turns into love, blame it on globalization. As (the-artist-formerly-known-as) Prince would have us remember: ‘S is for scandalous, E is for exciting, X is for adults only – let’s do something frightening!’

We all want that moment of bliss, and who doesn’t need a little stress-relief sometimes? So if anyone out there finds a Dutch Romeo, let me know. I’ve got plenty of friends who are tired of searching. In the meantime, I’m holding onto mine with everything I’ve got. Forget ‘rare find’ — my guy’s an endangered species!

Dorothy Parker, MSc Architecture, is from the United States. Her next column will be published in Delta 02. She can be emailed at: onbezorgd@gmail.com.

“I realize it’s a tired issue, but could someone please explain to me why Dutch guys seem to need a cattle prod in the back before they have sex with someone? And yet there remains this prevailing misconception that girls are the ones who need to be seduced. Humor me here, because although this pisses me off, I’m speaking from the standpoint of observer, not participant (I get enough Dutch lovin’ from my boyfriend, thanks). The TU Delft male population, although strikingly gorgeous with their clear, rosy complexions and advertising-campaign-worthy hair, are more likely to engage you in some metaphysical debate than sweep you off your feet and into their beds. So let me clarify this, ladies: if you’re inclined to do a bit of mattress-dancing, it’s up to you make it happen.

Now I realize many readers are used to some southern Mediterranean seduction. Forget it. I have a Spanish friend who was living with a Dutch guy for two weeks, because she got kicked out of her temporary housing. Two weeks she spent making up excuses to end up in his bed (late-night movies, scared of the dark, etc). But not once did he make a move. In the end, when she was about to move out, she was so confused she finally asked him, “Why don’t you want to have sex with me?” Valid question for a gorgeous, exotic girl to ask the man lying placidly 30 cm across the bed. Apparently the answer went something like, “I don’t want you to see me with my shirt off.” All jokes aside, this is no excuse for not giving a girl some good vibrations.

Ok, so maybe he had some hair issues, or weird growths or whatever: the point is, I’ve heard this story way to often to attribute it to chance. Dutch guys want you to pull them between the sheets. In fact they probably want you to handcuff them to the bed! And this isn’t to suggest that a bit of experimentation is a bad thing, I just want to put it out there that the sexual revolution in the Netherlands was so successful that no one seems to notice the lack of chivalry except the foreigners. Don’t expect any door-holding or dinner-buying; these Dutch guys are all about equality. So maybe it’s time to even the playing field, ladies. Instead of expecting to be seduced, expect to have to ask for what you want. And don’t use big words.

In the United States we’re a little more used to the necessity for female persuasion. My uneducated opinion is that American guys are just lazy, and American girls are so over-sexed by the media that we tend to grab anything moving within arm distance. But I think something different is at play in this úber-liberal little country. Maybe it’s the student culture. Girls wear a lot more clothes in Delft than they ever did at my previous university in the States — we’d go to class in our pajamas. In retrospect, this may also have eased the transition from lecture hall to bedroom.

Or maybe it’s the fact that TU Delft males outnumber females at least 5:1. This sounds like a statistic that ends up favoring the females, but in reality it produces packs of boys who’d rather sit around smoking cigars and playing manly games like poker than go after that sexy little minority. So what are my Italian girlfriends on campus supposed to do? There’s not enough peepshows in Holland to satisfy this lusting group of ladies! In Italy you get to pick who you sleep with simply by virtue of having two round protrusions under your shirt. In Holland, you have to pick up your spear and go hunting.

Last weekend I was at OffCorso in Rotterdam with one of the most beautiful Greek girls ever to grace the TU Delft campus. She suggested that we go dancing, as she was feeling a bit randy. Being the supportive friend that I am, I agreed. We danced all night…with each other. In the end, we’d drunk enough that this actually seemed more likely to end agreeably than the effort it might take to encourage a man to suggest something. We parted ways, with me headed straight home for some pre-arranged drunken sex (with my aforementioned love machine), and she home to an undeservedly empty bed. I propose that this is a national emergency! Jongens, go out and get yourself a girl! And if one night of trans-cultural passion turns into love, blame it on globalization. As (the-artist-formerly-known-as) Prince would have us remember: ‘S is for scandalous, E is for exciting, X is for adults only – let’s do something frightening!’

We all want that moment of bliss, and who doesn’t need a little stress-relief sometimes? So if anyone out there finds a Dutch Romeo, let me know. I’ve got plenty of friends who are tired of searching. In the meantime, I’m holding onto mine with everything I’ve got. Forget ‘rare find’ — my guy’s an endangered species!

Dorothy Parker, MSc Architecture, is from the United States. Her next column will be published in Delta 02. She can be emailed at: onbezorgd@gmail.com.