How to act like a local in Delft

People who go to new places inevitably stick out, and that’s why tourists usually pay double for everything and can be seen foolishly walking around Delft in shorts in November. Some practical tips on how to act like a Delft student should.

Ok, so you’re here in Delft, a minority among the majority of Dutch students. You’re feeling a bit ‘foreignery’ and wishing you could blend in a bit more and that your parents back home in Jakarta or Split had even named you Jan-Willem or Wilhelmina at birth, instead of Susilo-Bambang or Mutimira. Well, just follow this simple advice and soon you’ll be doing ‘as the Delftenaren do’.

(1)Never use the backpack you got from the TU Delft on arrival. Being a student here is nerdy enough as it is, and if you carry one of those backpacks around you will be immediately labeled as a ‘new nerd in town’. Bury it out of sight for a couple of years, and then when you are safely back home you can show-off with your brand new TU bag.

(2) Don’t climb Delft church towers to see the view. They’ve been put there for lame tourists who are here to be milked off their money. Next thing you know you’ll find yourself buying Delft blue pottery. Yuck! Instead, if you want a great view over Delft, just take the elevator up to the top of the TU’s Electrotechniek faculty building. Not only is the view just as good, but more importantly it’s free!

(3) Never go out in Delft. Leave the Lorre to the frat boys and girls, Speakers to the burgers (‘civilians’ or ‘non-students’ in the local jargon) and the Koornbeurs to the grungy freaks. Who needs Delft when Rotterdam has the best music scene, Amsterdam the best gay scene and Leiden is full of ladies who are just as deprived of male attention as the Delft guys are hopeless.

(4) Don’t smoke pot (at least not in public). In Holland, smoking weed is an immature stage school kids go through when they’re 16. Those Dutch grown-ups who get stuck in that phase of teenage life are generally regarded as losers and looked down upon. And besides, weed is just the Dutch way of making more money off stupid tourists anyway.

(5) Never pay for a girl’s drink. Western women fought hard for equal rights for decades and won, so it’s rude to deprive them of the fruits of their victory. Now women can open their own doors, carry their own bags and even drill their own holes with power tools! And pay for their own drinks.

(6) Ride a wreck. A good student bike has as many malfunctions as possible. If your bike is squeaking and creaking loudly, people will always hear you coming and you instantly get native respect and street-cred for being able to keep that piece of junk going. There’s also less chance of a bike being so visibly worthless getting stolen.

(7) Always be on the lookout for free drinks. The TU is full of drink’s parties (or ‘borrels‘ as they call them here) where you can drink as much as you can for free . graduations of friends, retirements of old profs, Xmas parties, special lunches and dinners, congresses and lustrums…. Don’t disappoint all those people arranging these events by not showing up. It’s partly financed by your tuition fees anyway, so drink up. ‘Proost!’

(8) Complain. About the tourists taking over the city, the burgers being stupid and lame, police harassing you for riding a wreck without a light, freshmen being greener than grass, the weather, all those damn unemployed immigrants hanging around, and the weather again. The average Dutch person spends at least 2.5 hours per day complaining about something, so try to blend in.

(9) Always work on your resume. Next time your mom calls, you weren’t drinking with pals last night, no, you were solidifying your social skills and establishing valuable professional contacts. And those free drink events are an excellent place to meet future employers; and remember, when organizing a free drinks party for your student club or association, do as the locals do and call it “being a member of the events committee’. Sounds so much better on your CV.

(10) Be arrogant. Delft students are famous for their peacock style (just look at the frat boys’ long floppy hairstyles!), so enrich your vocabulary with phrases like ‘I study at the best university in Europe’; ‘In Delft we learn that nothing is impossible’; and ‘After I graduate, I can get any job I want’.

Finally, and most importantly, don’t overdo it. All this advice is worthless if you’re too eager to act like a local and go overboard. So do it with style, casual yet confident. Arrogant yes, but always with a thin protective layer of fake humility. Practice makes perfect. Good luck!

(Illustration: Dushyant Parkhi, India, Aerospace Engineering)

Ok, so you’re here in Delft, a minority among the majority of Dutch students. You’re feeling a bit ‘foreignery’ and wishing you could blend in a bit more and that your parents back home in Jakarta or Split had even named you Jan-Willem or Wilhelmina at birth, instead of Susilo-Bambang or Mutimira. Well, just follow this simple advice and soon you’ll be doing ‘as the Delftenaren do’.

(1)Never use the backpack you got from the TU Delft on arrival. Being a student here is nerdy enough as it is, and if you carry one of those backpacks around you will be immediately labeled as a ‘new nerd in town’. Bury it out of sight for a couple of years, and then when you are safely back home you can show-off with your brand new TU bag.

(2) Don’t climb Delft church towers to see the view. They’ve been put there for lame tourists who are here to be milked off their money. Next thing you know you’ll find yourself buying Delft blue pottery. Yuck! Instead, if you want a great view over Delft, just take the elevator up to the top of the TU’s Electrotechniek faculty building. Not only is the view just as good, but more importantly it’s free!

(3) Never go out in Delft. Leave the Lorre to the frat boys and girls, Speakers to the burgers (‘civilians’ or ‘non-students’ in the local jargon) and the Koornbeurs to the grungy freaks. Who needs Delft when Rotterdam has the best music scene, Amsterdam the best gay scene and Leiden is full of ladies who are just as deprived of male attention as the Delft guys are hopeless.

(4) Don’t smoke pot (at least not in public). In Holland, smoking weed is an immature stage school kids go through when they’re 16. Those Dutch grown-ups who get stuck in that phase of teenage life are generally regarded as losers and looked down upon. And besides, weed is just the Dutch way of making more money off stupid tourists anyway.

(5) Never pay for a girl’s drink. Western women fought hard for equal rights for decades and won, so it’s rude to deprive them of the fruits of their victory. Now women can open their own doors, carry their own bags and even drill their own holes with power tools! And pay for their own drinks.

(6) Ride a wreck. A good student bike has as many malfunctions as possible. If your bike is squeaking and creaking loudly, people will always hear you coming and you instantly get native respect and street-cred for being able to keep that piece of junk going. There’s also less chance of a bike being so visibly worthless getting stolen.

(7) Always be on the lookout for free drinks. The TU is full of drink’s parties (or ‘borrels‘ as they call them here) where you can drink as much as you can for free . graduations of friends, retirements of old profs, Xmas parties, special lunches and dinners, congresses and lustrums…. Don’t disappoint all those people arranging these events by not showing up. It’s partly financed by your tuition fees anyway, so drink up. ‘Proost!’

(8) Complain. About the tourists taking over the city, the burgers being stupid and lame, police harassing you for riding a wreck without a light, freshmen being greener than grass, the weather, all those damn unemployed immigrants hanging around, and the weather again. The average Dutch person spends at least 2.5 hours per day complaining about something, so try to blend in.

(9) Always work on your resume. Next time your mom calls, you weren’t drinking with pals last night, no, you were solidifying your social skills and establishing valuable professional contacts. And those free drink events are an excellent place to meet future employers; and remember, when organizing a free drinks party for your student club or association, do as the locals do and call it “being a member of the events committee’. Sounds so much better on your CV.

(10) Be arrogant. Delft students are famous for their peacock style (just look at the frat boys’ long floppy hairstyles!), so enrich your vocabulary with phrases like ‘I study at the best university in Europe’; ‘In Delft we learn that nothing is impossible’; and ‘After I graduate, I can get any job I want’.

Finally, and most importantly, don’t overdo it. All this advice is worthless if you’re too eager to act like a local and go overboard. So do it with style, casual yet confident. Arrogant yes, but always with a thin protective layer of fake humility. Practice makes perfect. Good luck!

(Illustration: Dushyant Parkhi, India, Aerospace Engineering)