Asian Girl

As part of my internship at a Rotterdam architecture agency, I’d worked closely with Dan and Vanessa for months on a project we were bidding for in China.

Looking at the warm, welcoming smile on Dan’s face, I didn’t hesitate to reply: “Thank you for inviting me, I’d love to visit you in Denmark!” But to be honest, I didn’t take Dan’s invitation that seriously, because often the ‘next time’ in an invitation is just a way of showing politeness, or at least that’s the way it is in China, as in, ‘Thank you for this wonderful dinner, next time you should come to my home and I will cook for you!’ But the ‘next time’ is an indeterminate time in the future or never. You say ‘next time’, but there doesn’t have to be one.

Having exchanged really big and warm hugs with Dan and Vanessa, I said goodbye to them at Schiphol. But several weeks later we met again before Christmas at a private party in Rotterdam. It was really nice to see them again. After working together day and night to make a tough project deadline and having taken two trips to China together, we had become good friends. Or so I thought. At the party in Rotterdam, Dan came to me and said: “We’ll be having a New Year’s Eve party at my studio in Copenhagen, you’re very welcome to come!” I thanked Dan for the invite, said it sounded really cool, that I’d love to come, but asked if he could tell me which airline he normally used for cheap flights between Amsterdam and Copenhagen, because I’d have to arrange a flight quickly.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Dan replied, “I’ll check it out for you.” The next day, I even received an email from Dan, saying that it was really nice meeting me again at the party and that he would find a cheap flight for me to Denmark. So, I was sure to go to Copenhagen for the New Year, I assumed.

Time flies, and it was already December 27, but I still hadn’t heard anything from Dan. I tried sending him an email, but it was returned. However, taking the initiative, I went ahead and booked my ticket to Copenhagen for December 29. But now I had to arrange where I’d stay in Denmark. I remembered Dan’s ‘next time’ invitation to stay at his apartment, so I sent him an sms: “Dan, I’m coming to Copenhagen on December 29 for your New Year’s party, can I stay at your place?” Dan replied immediately: “Good to hear, but unfortunately I will have a guest to stay in my apartment over the New Year, and it is not a big apartment, so I don’t think I can accommodate you. But I will try to sort out other possible solutions.”

“Good to hear” he had written in his sms. But I didn’t really get it: when he read my sms, was he excited, glad, or annoyed? I couldn’t tell. His sms just seemed cold to me, like it wasn’t his business and that he hadn’t personally invited me to his party!

If this had happened in China, my Chinese friends would’ve reacted much more enthusiastically: ‘Really? Cool! Where are you going to stay? Have you found a place already? What places do you want to visit? Any plans?’ Then they would’ve picked me up at the airport, driven me to my hotel or their home, and showed me all the best sights in town. Oh, how I missed the lively, warm atmosphere in China!

And then I remembered Dan once saying that Vanessa wanted to move back to Berlin, because she felt that the people in Copenhagen were so cold. Now, I could understand her feelings. The ‘Cold North’ indeed. But, at the same time, I also understand that different types of people have different ways of expressing themselves. All my Danish friends are super nice people, but it’s true that they are somehow distant: they will never say or do more than necessary, which is, in my opinion, just the opposite to Chinese people: we think much more about how to accommodate our guests.

It was now the evening of December 28th, and I still hadn’t received any messages from my friend Dan in Denmark, so I went ahead and booked a hotel on my own. As I sat waiting to board my early morning flight to Denmark on the 29th, it began snowing outside the Schipol airport window, and all I could think about was how very cold it would be in Copenhagen….

‘Asian Girl’ Yi Ya’s next column will appear in Delta 05

“Thank you so much for being together with us on the trip to China and showing us around Beijing, it was really amazing! The next time you should visit us in Copenhagen, and you can stay with us at our apartment,” said Danish Dan and his German girlfriend Vanessa. As part of my internship at a Rotterdam architecture agency, I’d worked closely with Dan and Vanessa for months on a project we were bidding for in China.

Looking at the warm, welcoming smile on Dan’s face, I didn’t hesitate to reply: “Thank you for inviting me, I’d love to visit you in Denmark!” But to be honest, I didn’t take Dan’s invitation that seriously, because often the ‘next time’ in an invitation is just a way of showing politeness, or at least that’s the way it is in China, as in, ‘Thank you for this wonderful dinner, next time you should come to my home and I will cook for you!’ But the ‘next time’ is an indeterminate time in the future or never. You say ‘next time’, but there doesn’t have to be one.

Having exchanged really big and warm hugs with Dan and Vanessa, I said goodbye to them at Schiphol. But several weeks later we met again before Christmas at a private party in Rotterdam. It was really nice to see them again. After working together day and night to make a tough project deadline and having taken two trips to China together, we had become good friends. Or so I thought. At the party in Rotterdam, Dan came to me and said: “We’ll be having a New Year’s Eve party at my studio in Copenhagen, you’re very welcome to come!” I thanked Dan for the invite, said it sounded really cool, that I’d love to come, but asked if he could tell me which airline he normally used for cheap flights between Amsterdam and Copenhagen, because I’d have to arrange a flight quickly.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Dan replied, “I’ll check it out for you.” The next day, I even received an email from Dan, saying that it was really nice meeting me again at the party and that he would find a cheap flight for me to Denmark. So, I was sure to go to Copenhagen for the New Year, I assumed.

Time flies, and it was already December 27, but I still hadn’t heard anything from Dan. I tried sending him an email, but it was returned. However, taking the initiative, I went ahead and booked my ticket to Copenhagen for December 29. But now I had to arrange where I’d stay in Denmark. I remembered Dan’s ‘next time’ invitation to stay at his apartment, so I sent him an sms: “Dan, I’m coming to Copenhagen on December 29 for your New Year’s party, can I stay at your place?” Dan replied immediately: “Good to hear, but unfortunately I will have a guest to stay in my apartment over the New Year, and it is not a big apartment, so I don’t think I can accommodate you. But I will try to sort out other possible solutions.”

“Good to hear” he had written in his sms. But I didn’t really get it: when he read my sms, was he excited, glad, or annoyed? I couldn’t tell. His sms just seemed cold to me, like it wasn’t his business and that he hadn’t personally invited me to his party!

If this had happened in China, my Chinese friends would’ve reacted much more enthusiastically: ‘Really? Cool! Where are you going to stay? Have you found a place already? What places do you want to visit? Any plans?’ Then they would’ve picked me up at the airport, driven me to my hotel or their home, and showed me all the best sights in town. Oh, how I missed the lively, warm atmosphere in China!

And then I remembered Dan once saying that Vanessa wanted to move back to Berlin, because she felt that the people in Copenhagen were so cold. Now, I could understand her feelings. The ‘Cold North’ indeed. But, at the same time, I also understand that different types of people have different ways of expressing themselves. All my Danish friends are super nice people, but it’s true that they are somehow distant: they will never say or do more than necessary, which is, in my opinion, just the opposite to Chinese people: we think much more about how to accommodate our guests.

It was now the evening of December 28th, and I still hadn’t received any messages from my friend Dan in Denmark, so I went ahead and booked a hotel on my own. As I sat waiting to board my early morning flight to Denmark on the 29th, it began snowing outside the Schipol airport window, and all I could think about was how very cold it would be in Copenhagen….

‘Asian Girl’ Yi Ya’s next column will appear in Delta 05