War from afar: On the bright side

This may sound very dark and miserable, but it’s actually an incredible relief and positive force.

I noticed this for the first time at a launch day, which is normally a very stressful day when the work of months (if not years) culminates in a test or launch that lasts mere seconds, and in preparation for this culmination everything that can go wrong usually does. I was preparing my motor for a static test, and we were missing a toolbox with crucial components to the motor assembly. The toolbox was back in Delft, three hours away by car from the launch site, while we had just two hours left for assembly with the only alternative test day being a full half a year later. So our only realistic option was to source the missing parts in local hardware and DIY stores one hour before sundown. People around me seemed to be stressed, but I felt an uplifting sense of adventure and scavenger hunt ahead! I was happy and excited! In the end, we managed everything on time and had a successful test day, but I certainly noticed the different way I reacted to the situation in comparison how I would have reacted to it a year ago.

This wasn’t the only positive thing I gained from all of the stress and negativity stemming from the war situation back home. A lot of these moments I could now compare to those I had read about in the book The Yellow World by Albert Espinoza. The book is about facing life-changing negative situations like a terminal cancer diagnosis. I had read it over a year ago, but I had never really related any moments to parallels in my own life. I like to think of these positive moments of learning as the silver lining to this cloud.

I learned how to not be afraid, how to not panic upon hearing terrible news. Fear and panic are both things that are not real: the emotion is a reflection of something envisioned by our own mind, because fear is always about the future, never about the past. So the first step is to realize this. The second step is to distance yourself from it spatially or temporally. Imagine a time long in the future when somebody will be talking of this moment as if it’s in the past. If that person can talk about it calmly, then you can as well.

I learned how to tackle any immense problem one tiny bite at a time, and how to focus on the tasks that I solely am responsible for.

I also learned that hard work cures all ills and depressions, and that during prolonged periods of mourning, we should allow ourselves periods of joy and happiness without a hint of guilt.

Most importantly, I learned that there is always good news, if you seek it out, that we are strong and united, and that we will win, and in the end, everything will be okay.