Open day or a family outing?

TU Delft’s Bachelor Open Campus Days were held on 17 and 20 October. Surprisingly, the average age on campus – or at least in the Mechanical Engineering building where my office is – suddenly spiked. While you would expect the opposite, I think there were more parents than pupils at the Open Days. Parents who hung on every word of the guides, parents who opened their laptops at work spots that are intended for students, parents waiting in the queue at the coffee corner, and bored parents who sat scrolling on their phones. It seems to be a trend that more and more parents are coming to open days. Whether this also applies to TU Delft is uncertain, but the WUR (Wageningen University and Research, in Dutch) and Utrecht University (in Dutch) notice it. In any case, I strongly urge parents not to go to open days!

I strongly urge parents not to go to open days

Naturally, choosing a university and the right degree programme is an exciting time in a teenager’s life. And parents of course play an important and coaching, not guiding, role. At the same time, it is also one of the first decisions that pupils take on their own in their lives. Parents need to give them the space to do this, and pupils need to take that space. Parents should see it as exercise in letting go. As early as 2017, the Volkskrant (in Dutch) newspaper wrote: ‘Parents who accompany their children only need to do one thing: observe what their child reacts to enthusiastically. And then later at home discuss what appealed to their son/daughter so much.’ Given that parents are notoriously bad at observing their children neutrally, it would be best if they just stayed at home to avoid unconsciously pushing their child in a specific direction.

One reason that parents accompany their child to open days is that it can be a bit overwhelming – a day out to a busy campus in a new city on public transport. But doing this alone – or with friends – is a good chance to practice independence. After all, once you start university you will have to do it on your own as well. On top of that, if your parents are not there, you also have the opportunity to explore what student cities have to offer next to the study programme. My main reason for choosing TU Delft was the fun evening programme that was linked to the open days at the time.

And finally, open days are busy and often overbooked. Whatever you think of the previous points, it is clear that if spots are limited, pupils should always be given priority above any parents/caregivers that accompany them. Several institutions had to introduce – very rightly so –a ‘one parent policy’ (in Dutch) already.

The open day season (in Dutch) has come to an end, but TU Delft’s doors will be open again in March 2026. So to all pupils in the Netherlands: tell your parents that they should stay at home and take your first steps towards independence!