Depending on your viewpoint, Holland is either famous or infamous, enlighteningly progressive or morally deviant, in its approach to social issues like legalizing soft drugs and euthanasia.
In the second of a series of articles, we examine the pragmatic Dutch approach to another complex and controversial social issue: Gay marriage (homohuwelijk).
Some people must have held their breath for a moment or two when, on the night of April 1, 2001, gay and lesbian couples were united in legal matrimony in Amsterdam. These Dutch lovers, most of whom had been in long-term relationships together for years, had made world social history. They were the very first to be legally recognized as husband and husband, or wife and wife . only within the borders of the Netherlands.
That same night images of two women in wedding dresses, or two men in their wedding suits, kissing each other tenderly on the lips were beamed across the globe. It was no doubt regarded as shocking and repulsive by much of world’s religious people, yet for others it was seen as a victory long overdue.
Even the Dutch themselves were strongly divided on the issue. Not every Dutch civil registrar could, afterwards, bring him- or herself to performing a same-sex wedding ceremony. “Today, more than four years later, this is still the case,” says Rene van Soeren, spokesman for the Dutch gay organization COC. He mentions a female civil registrar in Leeuwarden who, to this day, simply refuses to perform same-sex wedding ceremonies.
Yet, after fifteen years of hard political struggle, gay and lesbian couples can, despite some hostile reactions, undeniably and legally be wed in the Netherlands. More than a thousand gay couples get married every year in the Netherlands. By marrying they are granted, based on the principle of equality, the same legal matrimonial rights as their heterosexual counterparts: they share all assets and debts and have a legal obligation to support each other.
Homophobia
The glasses of champagne that were so happily filled and refilled that historic night in April 2001 are empty now, the hangovers long forgotten. Now, the important social question that remains is: Has the inclusion of same-sex couples in the legal definition of marriage also led to the social acceptance that gays have so vigorously sought?
“Not really,” Van Soeren says. “There’s still a lot of work to be done in this area.” This is especially true within the Dutch ‘Bible-belt’ area, near the Veluwe, where homosexuality remains unacceptable, let alone two men or women marrying. “Of course most homosexuals don’t choose to live their lives in such homophobic environments,” Van Soeren says. “They marry someplace else instead, where it’s accepted and celebrated.”
Take the Randstad, for example, the urbanized area between Rotterdam, Amsterdam and Utrecht, which is known as a liberal, progressive region. Yet, even there, homosexuality and gay marriage are taboo in certain social circles, according to a Dutch Catholic priest who wishes to remain anonymous. This is also the case in academic circles, the priest says: “Even at TU Delft you’ll find students who will react strongly against the idea – Dutch and foreign students alike.”
This Dutch priest says that he strictly obeys the religious laws as set in Rome, which state that Catholic priests are not allowed to bless the relationships of same-sex couples in church. The Vatican believes that gay marriages have a negative influence on marriage as an institution, the priest says: “According to the Catholic Church, a traditional family, consisting of a husband, wife and children, should be the cornerstone on which society is built.”
Sodom
In religious circles, the passage on Sodom and Gomorrah is frequently quoted to illustrate that, according to the Bible, homosexuality is forbidden. Not everyone agrees. Others within the Catholic Church interpret the passage as an example of the vice of inhospitality, the priest explains. Still, homosexuality is generally felt to be unnatural. Although that conviction does not necessarily coincide with the Dutch priest’s own personal opinion: “I believe you are born that way . as a homosexual. It’s not something you can help.”
There used to be a religious service, sometimes practiced within the Catholic Church, to celebrate the devotion and loyalty between two men or women, the priest recalls: “But that is forbidden now, because Rome doesn’t want to give the impression that this bond, like a marriage, is approved of by God.”
Renske Oldenboom, student pastor at TU Delft, has never been asked to perform a gay marriage ceremony in church. But, she believes, it would not cause problems if she did this. Within the Protestant Church of The Netherlands (PKN), ministers are allowed to bless same-sex couples. Oldenboom does add, however, that “the ceremony is indeed slightly different from blessing the matrimony between a woman and a man.”
Oldenboom strongly dismisses the belief that homosexuality is unnatural: “That is not even a real theological argument! We are all part of God’s creation. Gay people, too. So what would be unnatural about that?” Furthermore, the often-quoted passage on Sodom and Gomorrah is more about violence and rape than condemning homosexuality, she argues.
Still, homosexual marriage remains a subject that is frowned upon by some Dutch people. Even when gays do get married, they are sometimes discriminated against compared to heterosexual spouses, Van Soeren says. He tells the story of a gay married couple who could not book a double-room at a hotel in the Netherlands. Despite the fact that they were legally wed, two single rooms were reserved for the couple. But Van Soeren cannot say how often same-sex couples fall victim to homophobic behavior in this country: “When an incident like this happens, most gay couples go somewhere else and leave it at that. Only a few of them will eventually file an official complaint.”
There is still a lot that needs to be done for acceptance of homosexuals and gay marriage, Van Soeren concludes: “Not just socially, but legally as well.” In some aspects, especially when it concerns children, gay couples and heterosexual couples aren’t equal, he explains: “When a Dutch woman is married to a man and has a baby, her husband is automatically regarded as the legal father, even though the woman might’ve been impregnated by a different man. If two married lesbians have a baby, only the biological mother is considered the legal parent. The other woman has no rights to the baby at all!”
This means that if the biological mother dies, her partner will probably lose guardianship rights to the baby, a baby she considers to be just as much her child as the biological mother did.
Cynically, Van Soeren says that when it comes to paying taxes, the non-biological mother is nevertheless responsible: “So, basically, she pays taxes, but has no legal rights.” But these issues will be solved in the future, Van Soeren believes: “It’s just a question of time.” Meanwhile, across the world, other countries continue to follow the Dutch example by legalizing same-sex marriages.
If you wish to comment on this article, send an email (max. 300 words) to d.mcmullin@tudelft.nl for possible publication on our ‘Letters Page’.
Countries where same-sex marriage is legal:
The Netherlands (2001)
Belgium (2003)
Spain (2005)
Canada (2005)
Some people must have held their breath for a moment or two when, on the night of April 1, 2001, gay and lesbian couples were united in legal matrimony in Amsterdam. These Dutch lovers, most of whom had been in long-term relationships together for years, had made world social history. They were the very first to be legally recognized as husband and husband, or wife and wife . only within the borders of the Netherlands.
That same night images of two women in wedding dresses, or two men in their wedding suits, kissing each other tenderly on the lips were beamed across the globe. It was no doubt regarded as shocking and repulsive by much of world’s religious people, yet for others it was seen as a victory long overdue.
Even the Dutch themselves were strongly divided on the issue. Not every Dutch civil registrar could, afterwards, bring him- or herself to performing a same-sex wedding ceremony. “Today, more than four years later, this is still the case,” says Rene van Soeren, spokesman for the Dutch gay organization COC. He mentions a female civil registrar in Leeuwarden who, to this day, simply refuses to perform same-sex wedding ceremonies.
Yet, after fifteen years of hard political struggle, gay and lesbian couples can, despite some hostile reactions, undeniably and legally be wed in the Netherlands. More than a thousand gay couples get married every year in the Netherlands. By marrying they are granted, based on the principle of equality, the same legal matrimonial rights as their heterosexual counterparts: they share all assets and debts and have a legal obligation to support each other.
Homophobia
The glasses of champagne that were so happily filled and refilled that historic night in April 2001 are empty now, the hangovers long forgotten. Now, the important social question that remains is: Has the inclusion of same-sex couples in the legal definition of marriage also led to the social acceptance that gays have so vigorously sought?
“Not really,” Van Soeren says. “There’s still a lot of work to be done in this area.” This is especially true within the Dutch ‘Bible-belt’ area, near the Veluwe, where homosexuality remains unacceptable, let alone two men or women marrying. “Of course most homosexuals don’t choose to live their lives in such homophobic environments,” Van Soeren says. “They marry someplace else instead, where it’s accepted and celebrated.”
Take the Randstad, for example, the urbanized area between Rotterdam, Amsterdam and Utrecht, which is known as a liberal, progressive region. Yet, even there, homosexuality and gay marriage are taboo in certain social circles, according to a Dutch Catholic priest who wishes to remain anonymous. This is also the case in academic circles, the priest says: “Even at TU Delft you’ll find students who will react strongly against the idea – Dutch and foreign students alike.”
This Dutch priest says that he strictly obeys the religious laws as set in Rome, which state that Catholic priests are not allowed to bless the relationships of same-sex couples in church. The Vatican believes that gay marriages have a negative influence on marriage as an institution, the priest says: “According to the Catholic Church, a traditional family, consisting of a husband, wife and children, should be the cornerstone on which society is built.”
Sodom
In religious circles, the passage on Sodom and Gomorrah is frequently quoted to illustrate that, according to the Bible, homosexuality is forbidden. Not everyone agrees. Others within the Catholic Church interpret the passage as an example of the vice of inhospitality, the priest explains. Still, homosexuality is generally felt to be unnatural. Although that conviction does not necessarily coincide with the Dutch priest’s own personal opinion: “I believe you are born that way . as a homosexual. It’s not something you can help.”
There used to be a religious service, sometimes practiced within the Catholic Church, to celebrate the devotion and loyalty between two men or women, the priest recalls: “But that is forbidden now, because Rome doesn’t want to give the impression that this bond, like a marriage, is approved of by God.”
Renske Oldenboom, student pastor at TU Delft, has never been asked to perform a gay marriage ceremony in church. But, she believes, it would not cause problems if she did this. Within the Protestant Church of The Netherlands (PKN), ministers are allowed to bless same-sex couples. Oldenboom does add, however, that “the ceremony is indeed slightly different from blessing the matrimony between a woman and a man.”
Oldenboom strongly dismisses the belief that homosexuality is unnatural: “That is not even a real theological argument! We are all part of God’s creation. Gay people, too. So what would be unnatural about that?” Furthermore, the often-quoted passage on Sodom and Gomorrah is more about violence and rape than condemning homosexuality, she argues.
Still, homosexual marriage remains a subject that is frowned upon by some Dutch people. Even when gays do get married, they are sometimes discriminated against compared to heterosexual spouses, Van Soeren says. He tells the story of a gay married couple who could not book a double-room at a hotel in the Netherlands. Despite the fact that they were legally wed, two single rooms were reserved for the couple. But Van Soeren cannot say how often same-sex couples fall victim to homophobic behavior in this country: “When an incident like this happens, most gay couples go somewhere else and leave it at that. Only a few of them will eventually file an official complaint.”
There is still a lot that needs to be done for acceptance of homosexuals and gay marriage, Van Soeren concludes: “Not just socially, but legally as well.” In some aspects, especially when it concerns children, gay couples and heterosexual couples aren’t equal, he explains: “When a Dutch woman is married to a man and has a baby, her husband is automatically regarded as the legal father, even though the woman might’ve been impregnated by a different man. If two married lesbians have a baby, only the biological mother is considered the legal parent. The other woman has no rights to the baby at all!”
This means that if the biological mother dies, her partner will probably lose guardianship rights to the baby, a baby she considers to be just as much her child as the biological mother did.
Cynically, Van Soeren says that when it comes to paying taxes, the non-biological mother is nevertheless responsible: “So, basically, she pays taxes, but has no legal rights.” But these issues will be solved in the future, Van Soeren believes: “It’s just a question of time.” Meanwhile, across the world, other countries continue to follow the Dutch example by legalizing same-sex marriages.
If you wish to comment on this article, send an email (max. 300 words) to d.mcmullin@tudelft.nl for possible publication on our ‘Letters Page’.
Countries where same-sex marriage is legal:
The Netherlands (2001)
Belgium (2003)
Spain (2005)
Canada (2005)
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