‘If only we had someone like Esther Perel’

Submitted by Ruben Wiersma (PhD student at Electrical Engineering, Mathematics and Computer Science)

For a few years now, I have enjoyed listening to Esther Perel’s podcast ‘Where should we begin?’. In the podcast, she talks to couples who encounter problems in their relationships. It could be that one is fighting too much, their partner is too rational; one does not feel heard, their partner does not feel respected; and so on.

Perel, like no other, ensures that both parties in the relationship feel heard. Usually, the partners leave with a new perspective and regained courage to move forward with each other. It is wonderful to hear her working: she is sharp, straightforward and helps the partners understand each other.

Following developments around the Inspectorate report, I often think: if only we had someone like Esther Perel. Someone who intervenes when one of the partners shoots into action mode too quickly, instead of listening and acknowledging. Someone who helps partners find the words that make the other feel heard. Someone who explains to the partners that one person’s complaint is not an immediate condemnation of the other’s intentions.

Instead, the Executive Board gets advice from marketing agencies on reputation damage, we all hastily draw up an action plan, regular and transparent communication is shunned or rather rigorously opposed[, and] The Executive Board wants us to focus only on the future, without explanation or accountability for past missteps.

Perhaps it is an idea to invite Perel to a future consultation? Until then: you can listen to ‘Where should we begin’ for free on your favourite podcast platform. Or listen to ‘How’s work?’, a spin-off of the podcast for work situations.