Go
t a question or problem with love, sex, sexuality, dating… a matter of the heart? The Love Doctor is here to help! With a PhD in Loveolgy from the University of Life, there’s not a problem I can’t fix, a question I can’t answer, no matter how serious, strange, difficult or downright weird! Now on to this week’s questions:
My boyfriend of 5 months still won’t have sex with me without a condom. He has never had unprotected sex before, and says never wants to try until he is married. I’m on the pill, so I know pregnancy isn’t the issue. It isn’t such a big deal, since it doesn’t matter to me if he’s wearing a condom or not, but I feel insulted that he doesn’t trust me. Even when I offered for us both to get tested, he still refused. I’m not willing to put up with this situation much longer. I feel uncomfortable, what should I do? – Insulted
Dear Insulted,
To start with, I don’t think 5 months is a long time in a relationship, especially if yours is full of more sex than anything else. You shouldn’t see this as a situation of mistrust, but rather caution. Trust in a relationship is very different when it comes to sex. You can see this if he trusts you in all other things. Your boyfriend is obviously cautious of any STD’s, and I don’t blame him. He’s still not comfortable with the idea, and being uncomfortable with anything sex-related isn’t a good situation to be in, as it only leads to more complications. My advice is to give him more time to get ready for it, while at the same time, try to reassure him indirectly that you haven’t had much unprotected sex in the past (I’m assuming you haven’t!), and that you only slept with people you trust (I’m assuming this is true!). Time will solve this problem. But, have you ever thought that he might have some STD he doesn’t want to pass on to you? So, put yourself in his shoes, and be patient.
I have a very intimate relationship with my girlfriend and love her very much. Lately we’ve been trying new things in bed, and it’s been fun. However, she once mentioned that she’d like to have a threesome with a girl one day. I love her too much to share her and don’t think I like the threesome idea. What if she becomes lesbian? Ever since we talked about it, she hasn’t been the same. I’m not sure how to react. – Too Caring
Dear Caring,
(What’s your girlfriend’s phone number? . just kidding!) I must congratulate you on your love that is definitely covering up your fantasies, because most guys reading this now are probably cursing their luck! But firstly, sleeping with someone of the same sex doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay, so your girlfriend isn’t lesbian! However, even though compromising is a must in relationships, you shouldn’t do anything you don’t like. As for threesomes, it can definitely be a very different and rewarding experience. Also, her suggestions centre on her own self-serving sexual desires, so maybe you can make a tradeoff and do it in exchange for a fantasy of yours! But do keep in mind that threesomes can have consequences for a relationship, whether or not the third person is a guy or girl. If you think the two of you can handle the potential repercussions, then by all means, enjoy yourselves instead of worrying.
Got a question or comment for the Love Doctor? Email the luvdok9@yahoo.com. All emails are in principle for publication and may be edited for reasons of clarity or length. Real names will not be published unless expressly requested by you.
My boyfriend of 5 months still won’t have sex with me without a condom. He has never had unprotected sex before, and says never wants to try until he is married. I’m on the pill, so I know pregnancy isn’t the issue. It isn’t such a big deal, since it doesn’t matter to me if he’s wearing a condom or not, but I feel insulted that he doesn’t trust me. Even when I offered for us both to get tested, he still refused. I’m not willing to put up with this situation much longer. I feel uncomfortable, what should I do? – Insulted
Dear Insulted,
To start with, I don’t think 5 months is a long time in a relationship, especially if yours is full of more sex than anything else. You shouldn’t see this as a situation of mistrust, but rather caution. Trust in a relationship is very different when it comes to sex. You can see this if he trusts you in all other things. Your boyfriend is obviously cautious of any STD’s, and I don’t blame him. He’s still not comfortable with the idea, and being uncomfortable with anything sex-related isn’t a good situation to be in, as it only leads to more complications. My advice is to give him more time to get ready for it, while at the same time, try to reassure him indirectly that you haven’t had much unprotected sex in the past (I’m assuming you haven’t!), and that you only slept with people you trust (I’m assuming this is true!). Time will solve this problem. But, have you ever thought that he might have some STD he doesn’t want to pass on to you? So, put yourself in his shoes, and be patient.
I have a very intimate relationship with my girlfriend and love her very much. Lately we’ve been trying new things in bed, and it’s been fun. However, she once mentioned that she’d like to have a threesome with a girl one day. I love her too much to share her and don’t think I like the threesome idea. What if she becomes lesbian? Ever since we talked about it, she hasn’t been the same. I’m not sure how to react. – Too Caring
Dear Caring,
(What’s your girlfriend’s phone number? . just kidding!) I must congratulate you on your love that is definitely covering up your fantasies, because most guys reading this now are probably cursing their luck! But firstly, sleeping with someone of the same sex doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay, so your girlfriend isn’t lesbian! However, even though compromising is a must in relationships, you shouldn’t do anything you don’t like. As for threesomes, it can definitely be a very different and rewarding experience. Also, her suggestions centre on her own self-serving sexual desires, so maybe you can make a tradeoff and do it in exchange for a fantasy of yours! But do keep in mind that threesomes can have consequences for a relationship, whether or not the third person is a guy or girl. If you think the two of you can handle the potential repercussions, then by all means, enjoy yourselves instead of worrying.
Got a question or comment for the Love Doctor? Email the luvdok9@yahoo.com. All emails are in principle for publication and may be edited for reasons of clarity or length. Real names will not be published unless expressly requested by you.
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