When the sun’s shining, thermometer climbing… 18C+… & you’re on your bike in the polder, dunes… Holland rules! No finer place to be… and so it was last weekend, spring in the air as this beige teddy bear of a nation fully awoke from its winter slumber, greasing its bike chains en masse, the gray giving way to blue skies & green grass..
. How the Dutch dig mooi weer, nice weather!… A little warm sun & bada-bing!… the national striptease begins!… semi-nude sun-worshipping Dutchfolk exhibiting everywhere!… while I happy as a clam pedal richting Maassluis, in my backpack two cheese sandwiches & the Saturday Volkskrant, that newspapery equivalent of sitting-on-a-fence-in-the-middle-of-the-road-with six-in-one-hand-&-half-a-dozen-in-the-other!… Resting on a sunny patch of polder grass, watching hundreds of Dutchheads cycling running walking skating rowing past… marveling at how this country just is… so complete & whole… always & seemingly forever… fully functional & in control… Yet reading about CDA Balkende & PvdA Bos negotiating to form a coalition government… about how Minister-President in-waiting Balkende kept leaving the table to call Someone to ask what to do next!… I’ve got to ask: Why?… In two years we’ve gone from Cult of Pimpersonality to no personality… Holland hasn’t had a ‘proper’ government in 2 years!… & for christsakes let’s keep it thus!… If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?… Holland’s working just fine… Who’s running this joint?… Who cares… the usual Power Clique… CEOs & faceless Omnipotent Bureaucrats… Capitalism’s Aparatchiks!… Perfect! It works!… Bold experimental sensible Holland should rejoice, step up & show the world the right way again!… Like it did with euthanasia… legalized soft-drugs… income-taxed & unionized prostitutes!… Kill the dangerous cult of politician personality once & for all… become the first & only nation in modern history to function without a ‘proper’ government!… Headless, prosperous & free! That’s us today!… Holland’s manifest destiny!… Instead, Holland could be the first nation to have Guest Minister-Presidencies… Minister-President-for-a-Month… an ever-changing face of the nation!… Forget provincial goofballs like Balkende… we’ll sell monthly Minister-Presidencies to rich folk… 5 million euros a pop, invested directly in Dutch schools!… Figureheads who pay instead of us taxpayers paying them!… Got to deal with Brazil this month… El Presidente meet Maestro-President Cruiff!… And who better to solve the North-South Korea conflict than Guus Hiddink!… Berlusconni coming to town to deal, we’ve got a blonde Minister-Playmate-of-the-Month for that lusty Italiano!… a month for Jomanda & her magic… for TU Delft’s best robot… 30 days of Willem Alexander & Maxima playing medieval monarchy… fun!… now & then we’ll even have a Dutch working class geezer to please the Socialists, a salt-of%the-earth Dutchman, a goeie gozer, who’ll serve hutspot met jus to Chirac!… That’s the Dutch spirit, gewoon Hollands eten, humor, straight-talk … make haute cuisine-loving Chirac eat vla for desert with his gravy-encrusted dinner spoon!… Dutch taxpayers paying 7,000 euros a month for Balkenende’s apartment… for what?!… for a wooden puppet who must ask permission to fart!… Katja Schuurman the rich & sexy TV presenter wants to be Minister of International Development… great!… she can show how wonderfully silicone has developed her Western breasts!
Amazing, nearly two years without a ‘real’ Minister-President, a cash-gobbling government Face… & yet all is well in Holland!… Prima!… The sun’s shining, taxes are being paid, bike paths teeming with well-fed burghers, an ice-cream man round every corner to sell me a Raket…why change?
When the sun’s shining, thermometer climbing… 18C+… & you’re on your bike in the polder, dunes… Holland rules! No finer place to be… and so it was last weekend, spring in the air as this beige teddy bear of a nation fully awoke from its winter slumber, greasing its bike chains en masse, the gray giving way to blue skies & green grass… How the Dutch dig mooi weer, nice weather!… A little warm sun & bada-bing!… the national striptease begins!… semi-nude sun-worshipping Dutchfolk exhibiting everywhere!… while I happy as a clam pedal richting Maassluis, in my backpack two cheese sandwiches & the Saturday Volkskrant, that newspapery equivalent of sitting-on-a-fence-in-the-middle-of-the-road-with six-in-one-hand-&-half-a-dozen-in-the-other!… Resting on a sunny patch of polder grass, watching hundreds of Dutchheads cycling running walking skating rowing past… marveling at how this country just is… so complete & whole… always & seemingly forever… fully functional & in control… Yet reading about CDA Balkende & PvdA Bos negotiating to form a coalition government… about how Minister-President in-waiting Balkende kept leaving the table to call Someone to ask what to do next!… I’ve got to ask: Why?… In two years we’ve gone from Cult of Pimpersonality to no personality… Holland hasn’t had a ‘proper’ government in 2 years!… & for christsakes let’s keep it thus!… If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?… Holland’s working just fine… Who’s running this joint?… Who cares… the usual Power Clique… CEOs & faceless Omnipotent Bureaucrats… Capitalism’s Aparatchiks!… Perfect! It works!… Bold experimental sensible Holland should rejoice, step up & show the world the right way again!… Like it did with euthanasia… legalized soft-drugs… income-taxed & unionized prostitutes!… Kill the dangerous cult of politician personality once & for all… become the first & only nation in modern history to function without a ‘proper’ government!… Headless, prosperous & free! That’s us today!… Holland’s manifest destiny!… Instead, Holland could be the first nation to have Guest Minister-Presidencies… Minister-President-for-a-Month… an ever-changing face of the nation!… Forget provincial goofballs like Balkende… we’ll sell monthly Minister-Presidencies to rich folk… 5 million euros a pop, invested directly in Dutch schools!… Figureheads who pay instead of us taxpayers paying them!… Got to deal with Brazil this month… El Presidente meet Maestro-President Cruiff!… And who better to solve the North-South Korea conflict than Guus Hiddink!… Berlusconni coming to town to deal, we’ve got a blonde Minister-Playmate-of-the-Month for that lusty Italiano!… a month for Jomanda & her magic… for TU Delft’s best robot… 30 days of Willem Alexander & Maxima playing medieval monarchy… fun!… now & then we’ll even have a Dutch working class geezer to please the Socialists, a salt-of%the-earth Dutchman, a goeie gozer, who’ll serve hutspot met jus to Chirac!… That’s the Dutch spirit, gewoon Hollands eten, humor, straight-talk … make haute cuisine-loving Chirac eat vla for desert with his gravy-encrusted dinner spoon!… Dutch taxpayers paying 7,000 euros a month for Balkenende’s apartment… for what?!… for a wooden puppet who must ask permission to fart!… Katja Schuurman the rich & sexy TV presenter wants to be Minister of International Development… great!… she can show how wonderfully silicone has developed her Western breasts!
Amazing, nearly two years without a ‘real’ Minister-President, a cash-gobbling government Face… & yet all is well in Holland!… Prima!… The sun’s shining, taxes are being paid, bike paths teeming with well-fed burghers, an ice-cream man round every corner to sell me a Raket…why change?
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