Coming Out Day: ‘I won’t silence myself’

The annual international Coming Out Day on 11 October draws attention to LGBTQ+ people who openly come out for their sexual orientation or gender identity.

At TU Delft, Outsite, DWH and True U are organising various activities. With this year’s ‘Coming Out: It’s not black and white’ theme, more attention is paid to LGBTQ+ people in minority groups. To help increase the visibility and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, students Eva Pelk and Musy Ayoub and teacher Cecile Kalis talk about their coming out.

• Also read the story of Eva Pelk (21, student industrial design engineering), in which they tell about them coming out as a non-binary person.

(Photo: Musy Ayoub)

Musy Ayoub (23 years, computer science engineering)

“I am half Persian, half Egyptian. My mother comes from a country where homosexuality carries the death penalty. So before I told anyone about my bisexuality, I first wanted to make sure that I felt 100% right. When I came out to my best girl friends when I was 18, I was really ready to do so.

 

At a certain point I had a boyfriend and wanted to share the news with my family. I first told my sister-in-law who, like myself, was born in the Netherlands. After she responded positively, I dared to come out to my brother. He was perfectly fine with it and was mostly curious about my boyfriend.

Funnily enough, my mother initially didn’t respond badly either. Until I brought my boyfriend at the time home. She was very fierce and angrily asked why I had brought him home. In her culture, a different orientation is illegal and, if people find out, it will affect your life negatively.

Since then I have had little contact with her. I don’t want anyone in my life who does not accept me for who I am. That was my own decision. Naturally I hope that some day we will be in contact with each other again, but at the moment, if we talk, I feel that there is a barrier.

• “I think that it’s healthier for us all if diversity would be celebrated and valued more. And that applies to the ‘ordinary’ heterosexual too. If such a thing exists.” Read the story of teacher (Architecture and the Built Environment) and chairman True U, Cécile Calis.

I have always been open about my orientation in my course. I have also met so many similar people. What does strike me though, is that both at TU Delft and in society, there are very few LGBTQ+ people who look like me. There are very few queers of Persian descent. So that made me realise that if there are no role models for me, I will have to be the role model for others.

I do this by speaking out and by showing who I am. I am here, my boyfriend and I are here. I hope this helps raise awareness. If I walk down the street with my boyfriend, I see that people sometimes stare at us and even point and comment. It’s a pity that they don’t just leave us alone, but I am not afraid. I won’t silence myself. I want to leave those fears behind. And what’s the worst that can happen? That we get beaten up? I’m quite tall and look surly by nature so I think I can look intimidating. Luckily I have never experienced violence.

But it’s not only me who can be a role model, TU Delft can be one too. Personally, I don’t know any queer teachers and the discussions that I have at TU Delft are mostly academic. It would be a good start if TU Delft would take the claims about homophobia just as seriously as it does fraud. But TU Delft is still overly cautious in this.”

• Read more about the activities that Outsite, DWH and True U are organising around Coming Out Day 2020.